Some posts are hard to write and this will be one of them. Trying to find the words to write about my daughter Rehtaeh’s death was near impossible, followed a few short years later with a goodbye to my trusted friend Ozzy.

Today I find myself embraced with grief and sadness at another goodbye, even if this was important and even though I know in my heart this was the right thing to do. Sometimes you don’t know if something is right or wrong and it’s easy to let the fear of pain make that call for you. We decided to let love lead us and re-home our little baby Alice. The two of us have spent a week crying, questioning ourselves, and taking it one day at a time.

Last week we said goodbye to the most amazing, sweet, and loveable little dog. Alice deserves a home for her, a place where what she needs comes first, a place where she’s safe. Anyone who has ever seen us together knows how much we love Alice. But that love had a cost and that cost was a blindness to what was best for her and we couldn’t see it until now.

I made a promise to Alice when I first picked her up and told her I loved her. I promised I would keep her safe from all the bad things in this world and she would have a long happy life with us. Last week I fulfilled that promise, only it has to be without us.

Alice filled a big hole. She came into our lives right when our little boy pug Ozzy started to slow down. People call that a “crossover dog” but that wasn’t why we brought Alice into our lives. I brought her in for me, I needed her, my heart needed her. I needed someone to save, to care about, worry about, and care for. My heart needed Alice after Rehtaeh.

There are moments in life you should never forget, the moments when the world is telling you this is right. When I adopted Ozzy he was from the SPCA, abandoned at six months. Rehtaeh’s call still rings in my ear, demanding I go there now and get him. A couple weeks later my thirteen year journey with Ozzy began and to this day I haven’t forgotten that first time our eyes locked. It was like we knew each other for a hundred years. Ozzy helped me tread water after Rehtaeh died, of that I have no doubt. He was the one I held on the worst days, he was the one who gave me a reason to get out of bed and keep going.

Ozzy gave me a reason to live, Alice helped me enjoy life again. A thousand laughs, an ocean of kisses, and mountains of love. Alice healed my heart and for doing so I owed her. I owed her honesty, I owed her truth, and I owed her the same love she so willingly gave us.

I know in my heart Alice needs to be with someone else. Someone who has a home for her, someone who lights up every single time they see her. Someone who can play with her all day and start again before bedtime. I needed Alice, now I want to give her what she needs. We love her so much we knew it was right for her.

Our tears will flow, our grief will come out in places unintended, but our hearts tell us Alice is okay and she’s with someone who lights up when they see her.

Thank you Alice. You helped put me back together and my heart will always be yours. Safe travels BooBoo.